I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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