OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I believe in your delicious
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
