Betty ford says i'm here all night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
