I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
