I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
