oh god the rape fog is back!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
