ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
