her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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