How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
