My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
