I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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