my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
