seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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