It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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