it hurts more in the daytime
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
