ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
