Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
