you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
