My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
