she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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