If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
