I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I look better un-naked...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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