my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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