Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
