so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
