i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
