"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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