he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
