She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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