hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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