She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
