Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
