Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
