I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
