it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
