Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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