that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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