Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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