I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
