sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
