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I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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