she looked like the before picture.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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