I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
