burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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