Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
