His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
