I'd wear matching sweaters with you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
