we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
