i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
