Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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