so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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