btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
