I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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