You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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