I just cut my nipple shaving
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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