You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
