if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
