Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
