I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
