glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
