just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
