5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
