whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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