I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
