i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
