just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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