I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
