my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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