Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
