Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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