His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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