I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
