guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Non-Jews are for practice
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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