i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
