worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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