i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
