So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
