she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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